Added: Tamika Bousquet - Date: 25.10.2021 13:14 - Views: 37297 - Clicks: 9690
Due to the Coronavirus pandemic, we can now offer all our consultations and therapy sessions online. Do you feel like your partner is always making unnecessary demands of you? Trying to encroach on your personal space or constantly trying to talk about their emotions?
If you relate to any of the above, then you might be suffering from a fear of intimacy. To be intimate with someone means to share your innermost with that person.
Fear of intimacy then is a deep-seated fear of getting emotionally — and sometimes physically — connected to another person. This fear typically has the effect of driving a person to pull away anytime a relationship gets too close for comfort. If you suspect you have a fear of intimacy, know that you are not alone. One of the biggest problems is that it tends to be the kind of thing which is difficult to recognise in oneself.
In fact, we need connection. Fear of intimacy is ingrained from childhood, and is normally a biological response to the way in which someone was parented. Perhaps the best way to understand fear of intimacy is through attachment theory. Attachment theory is the psychological model of how we form emotional bonds. Fear of intimacy usually happens as a response to abandonment or engulfment — and occasionally both.
On the one hand, you might have had parents who were very emotionally detached and aloof. Perhaps they reprimanded you for crying or shut you down whenever you tried expressing the things that were important to you. Instead, you learnt to counterbalance this by ridding of your own needs. Or maybe you had a parent who was overbearing and never gave you any personal space.
The only way you could escape that feeling of engulfment was to shut down and disappear…. Whatever the case, all these situations lead to the same place: a deep-seated fear of emotional connection and of being vulnerable. How does a person manage this fear? By ruling out their emotions completely. The good news is that your past experiences do not have to dictate your present. With some effort, you can work to unpick the past and form healthier ways of identifying and communicating your needs, and building a relationship that is emotionally fulfilling.
Get up close and personal with your emotions — this is probably going to feel fairly foreign and uncomfortable at first but start by labelling your emotions when they come up. Practice staying emotionally present as much as possible — it might help to remind Why am i scared of a relationship that the more you pull away from your partner, the more likely they are to get anxious and clingy. For some, it actually forms part of their identity which is not a good place to be in. Relationships are a central component of what it means to have a happy, well-rounded life.
Try drawing your focus there as much as you can.
Deep dive into your past — what was your relationship with your parents like? Did you feel heard and understood?
Were you the type of family that talked about issues when they came up or simply buried them away? Acknowledging that these first childhood relationships were lacking is an important first step towards building healthier, more fulfilling ways of connecting. Blocking emotions like this can have a detrimental effect on not just your relationships but also your mental health e.
Because fear of intimacy is usually rooted in the past, it can take some time to unravel — working with a therapist is going to get you there much faster. Call: Facebook Twitter. But what exactly is a fear of intimacy? What causes fear of intimacy? The only way you could escape that feeling of engulfment was to shut down and disappear… Whatever the case, all these situations lead to the same place: a deep-seated fear of emotional connection and of being vulnerable. And then the same cycle repeats itself all over again.
This kind of behaviour is likely to leave you feeling empty inside — but also safe. Your parents probably had high standards and performing well would have been one of the main ways to receive their attention. Deep down you fear being abandoned — we all have a fear of abandonment to some degree but if that fear has stripped you from experiencing connection altogether then it forms part of a wider issue. You might find yourself avoiding any kind of relationship so that you protect yourself from having to face rejection.
Talking about your emotions fills you with a sense of dread — no one enjoys challenging relationship talks but if you have a fear of intimacy these kinds of conversations are going to feel especially difficult. You might not even recognise that you have emotional needs, let alone understand how to communicate them to a partner. How to overcome fear of intimacy The good news is that your past experiences do not have to dictate your present.
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